In case you happened upon a purple picture of me and wondered why I posted it (or, more accurately, posted, removed, corrected the typo and re-posted it), let me 'splain.
My heart, like the hearts of many others, has been moved by the recent rash of teen suicides and the reports of bullying that preceded them. My sympathies go out to the families that are left to grieve, to the people who are left wondering if they could have made a difference and, yes, even to those who either mindlessly or intentionally influenced the decision of anyone towards taking their own life. Undoubtedly, some of them will come to realize the pain they've caused and suffer greatly because of it. I don't wish these kinds of pain on anyone.
I've spoken out before about this issue because my family has been touched by an incident of suicide and because I am a suicide attempt survivor. I was not bullied but I know what it feels like to feel hopeless and with every fiber of my being I want to say that it CAN and WILL get better. There is always hope. I'm living proof.
To those who feel that this is not a big deal, that they can't do anything for the "crazy" or "sick" suicidal people, I say, there is something you can do. Be kind. Be kind to people who are not like you, who don't have the same sense of well being you have in your heart or the sense that they are as acceptable as anyone else. You may feel that someone's appearance, sexuality, religion, ideology, life style or behavior is unacceptable and you are free to think that but, it is far more unacceptable to view and treat another human being without compassion. We all suffer. We all make mistakes. We all make transgressions against ourselves, our own beliefs and the beliefs of others because we are all DIFFERENT. No one can possibly live up to the standards that the whole world would set for us. It's hard enough living up to our own. And, if you don't agree, when was the last time you felt comfortable saying that you are perfect just as you are? And, if you are so filled with self love, how could you possibly hate or intentionally hurt another person?
I know it can be intimidating to be around people who are "different" than who you are used to. The world seems like a dark and sinister place when you can't find common ground with the people that surround you. So, I'm asking you, when and where ever you can, to be the common ground. Be the one who connects to their humanness. Don't participate in bullying of any kind or, even better, be the one who speaks up when someone is being abused or harassed verbally or physically. It's no longer acceptable to tear another human being or group of human beings down. It's no longer 'just the way it is'. In everything we do, we make the world what it is.
A lot of people stood by my side when I was hopeless, when I couldn't see the value in my own life. It breaks my heart to think that anyone would ever feel alone with such thoughts of self hatred. People don't commit suicide because you say they are worthless and unloveable. They commit suicide because they've come to believe that those hateful judgements are right. How could anyone desire to be a part of that...ever? I don't understand it. But, I see it and it moves me deeply.
We can turn our hatred inward (suicide) or outward (bullying). Either way, it's the same thing. It's a plea for compassion and understanding. It's a plea for love and acceptance. And, the only control we have is in what we choose to do. Choose love. No matter what. - LM
If You Only Knew
(I wrote this song a few months ago when having to deal with some people who were quiet comfortable expressing their hatred of others. It lightened my heart. I hope it lightens yours)
It moves my heart to see you
in this pain it's hard to be you
in this world throwing sticks and stones
like it's only you and you alone
you feel like you're surrounded
by the darkness you are hounded by the past.
The insecurities have brought your future to it's knees
I know, I know
There's all these words that you can't trust
and fear each time you turn a page
it's hard enough and now you're just
five seconds from anger to rage
I know, I know
But, oh, If you only knew how much good in life
is all because of you and how much you are loved
you wouldn't feel this pain, you wouldn't feel so helpless
you wouldn't have to rage
it's true, it's true
But, it's all that you can do to vent
this anger you can not explain
for every word you never meant
there's something true you need to say
with all these people telling lies
and sweet disaster everywhere you turn,
you try and open eyes but they don't see, they don't care
I know, I know
But, oh, If you only knew how much good in life is all because of you and how much you are loved you wouldn't feel this pain, you wouldn't feel so helpless you wouldn't have to rage it's true, it's true
And it's okay, I'll stay with you tonight
you can scream your heart out, I'll tell you it's alright
If it's easier to blame me I want you to know
you can say you hate me, I'll never let you go
But, oh, if you only knew how much good in life
is all because of you, how much you are loved here
you wouldn't feel this pain, you wouldn't feel so helpless
you wouldn't have to rage
it's true, it's true
how much you are loved here, you wouldn't have this pain,
you wouldn't feel so helpless, you wouldn't have to rage
oh, If you knew, it’s true
© Laura Marie 2010
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