Friday, December 23, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Thank you and chocolate brownies (blog)
(The 2 for 1 price will continue until Jan 1st at http://www.lauramariemusic.com and money will still go to the cause even after Christmas.)
Yay!!! Now on to the brownies:
I've been busy baking brownies. Not just any brownies, BLACK BEAN BROWNIES!!! And they are sooooo awesome.
No, they don't taste like beans. They are gluten free and delicious and, without all the flour, they are a bit better for you than "normal" ones. (half the fat, twice the protein and 2g of fiber...yeah!) I flat out dare you to try them. I tried three different recipes and combined a couple until I got just the right cakey-ness according to my taste testers.
So, if Pete and the boys like them, they have to be good.
Do it:
Black Bean Brownies (Gluten free)
Ingredients
1 (15 1/2 ounce) cans black beans ( rinsed and drained)
3 eggs
3 tablespoons oil
1/4 - 1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 pinch salt
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
3/4 cup sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
Semi sweet chocolate chips
--------------------------------------
Directions
1. First, puree black beens in food processor until smooth (you may need to add a few tablespoons of water)
2. Add other ingredients EXCEPT chocolate chips in processor together until blended.
3. Stir in some chocolate chips
4. Pour into a greased 8x8 cake pan.
5. Bake at 350 F for approximately 30 -35 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean in the center
6. Let cool completely before cutting.
Noms!!!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Happy Holidays: Be Love (yeah, you)
I usually only share things this new with my mailing list but, 'tis the season!
Happy Holidays!
It's the time of year again when I start thinking back on what I have and haven't done and what I want to do when the new year rolls in. It's been a great year. I have a lot to be grateful for and look forward to. There's so much I want to do in music and in the world. And, giving is on my mind.
I want to share a song with you that I just wrote about the two words that save me from being lost in my own "stuff": Be Love. That's what I want to be. It's a challenge. Sometimes it's a difficult thing to be. :
I hope you have a wonderful, hopeful and inspirational holiday season!!!
This year, I've decided to give to Living Water International again so, if you want to help the cause, keep this in mind. You'll be helping me spread the music and the proceeds will help bring clean water to families in need.
Please help me spread the word.
Much love, Laura Marie
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Mission possible
Go to Churchill High School parking lot on Blanco rd now
Pick up a box
Take it to the grocery store and fill it with items listed on the side
Return the box to the Churchill parking lot before noonish
That is all
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Closeups at the zoo
Seriously though, zoos often get criticized for all sorts of reasons and should be held to strict standards, but, I like to support their conservation efforts. The Henry Doorly, for example, has helped save many species of plants and animals from extinction and has lead education efforts to help indigenous people conserve their lands and curb deforestation in places like Madagascar.
Anyway, enjoy!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Paterno can be more than a bad example (blog)
I've been reluctant to say anything publicly about the Penn State situation. I don't live my life as a victim because of abuse I experienced as a child. And, my deepest, heartfelt prayer is that those who are victims are eventually able to make peace with what they've experienced so as not to live the rest of their lives as victims either. But, I don't believe anyone who has experienced such a violation does not feel outraged at the knowledge that an adult could witness such a crime and not do everything in their power to stop it immediately. So, yes, I am outraged. Most victims are not violated where witnesses are likely to see them and many, such as myself, are so ashamed and confused that they don't come forward for several years after the fact, if at all. Their pain is private and their abandonment becomes, sadly, somewhat self imposed. But, that's not the case here. Someone saw this and others in positions of responsibility had knowledge of it and did little to nothing to stop it.
Thanks to Jon Stewart for expressing the outrage so well. Indeed, the pissed off child in me wants to rage "SORRY it's not CONVENIENT for you to blame it on some group of people you don't care about anyway!!!!" Part of me wants to laugh in the face of those who mock churches, priests and clergy members and say "SEE, it's not just THEM it's YOU TOO!!! and not taking a good, long look at yourself and what YOU would do makes this sickening situation possible. So, thank you VERY much. What did YOU DO to stop this?"
But, what good does that do? Not just in THIS situation but in EVERY situation, blaming some "other" group does nothing but allow us to take no personal responsibility and, to stop this, we have to take responsibility. We, as individual adults, have to know what we would do. And, more than that, we have to do it.
From a very young age I came to know that an adult who would molest a child is sick. There is something terribly wrong with that person. So, when Sandusky appears on television today in an interview, I will not watch what is reported to be his denial that anything wrong happened while admitting he showered with young boys. Courts can decide his fate. It makes no difference to me except that I'm thankful such publicity will make it unlikely he could ever harm a child again. His interview is of little interest to me. They are rantings of a lunatic who should have been stopped, who should have been under some sort of care and therapy for his illness. With this understanding of him as a sick person, I can quiet my mind. I just can't when it comes to Joe Paterno. I don't understand. And, I don't understand those who are not outraged at his lack of leadership in a situation that is far more important than football. I want to understand. I really do. Because then I'll know how to deal with it.
Joe Paterno has a huge opportunity here. If he would ony share his thought process, expose the gaps in his logic and in his own understanding, show people how such a thing can happen and ways to not let it ever happen again. He doesn't have to be a bad example for the rest of his life. Take it from someone who doesn't have to be a victim for the rest of hers.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Penn State Riots | ||||
| ||||
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
I meant to find you (blog)
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Hello. New-ish poem/song. I'd sing it for you but my voice is a bit raw from a slight illness. It will have to wait until next week or something. Words:
I meant to find
You know how morning comes and leaves behind
the fear that darkness crowds around you?
But, still you take your place in space and time
ignoring how the light has come through.
You don’t see the things I do,
the answers you remind me of
You believe what’s wrong with you,
but, I believe what’s meant for us
I see the light illuminate the world
with widened eyes and mind wide open.
There’s nothing left to recreate. We’re good.
We’re all that we have ever chosen.
You don’t see the things I do,
the answers you remind me of
You believe what’s wrong with you,
but, I believe what’s meant for us
You. I meant to find. I meant to find you.
You. I meant to find. I meant to find you.
You. I meant to find. I meant to find you.
You. I meant to find. I meant to find you.
- Laura Marie
P.S. I think I'm going to need a choir for the ending.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
You move me
01 What It's Like.mp3 by Laura Marie (USA)
This morning I had the pleasure of beginning my birthday performing with Chris Taylor, Onel Jimenez, Tim Phillips and Justin Schneider for our friends at Rockhills Church. It was comforting to sing and play with them because this is always, as it is for many, an emotional day for me. Yes, it's a day I celebrate life but also a day that I reflect on those who lost theirs in the events that took place 10 years ago. Last year, I remembered how I woke up on 9/11 and, with my infant son in my arms, headed downstairs to tun on the news. It hit me that we have been at war his entire life and, now, at 10 years old, he has questions about the events that took place then and concern about the events that are happening now. Here in Texas, the fires have us all on edge. We were concerned for friends and family on the East coast after earthquakes and hurricanes and remain concerned for those recovering and for those devestated by drought and fire here in Texas. This is a troubling time and my son has a compassionate heart. He struggles with it.
As our friends and leaders led us in prayer this morning, they called for a moment of silence. My younger son is 6 years old and I looked out from the stage at him when the moment of silence began. He immediately started to giggle. My husband quietly shushed him. I watched him as he snuck his arm up to his mouth thinking he was going to make a funny noise to break the silence. One look from his dad stopped him. I had to smile. I am so very grateful that the gravity of the moment didn't occur to him. That's what I want for both my children. Joy and innocence for as long as possible. As my 10 year old begins to realize that the world isn't always what he wants it to be, I have no doubt that his heart will be moved to help others in need. I have no doubt that my younger son will do the same as he gets older. But, for now, on this day with it's very solemn moments, I want to take time to giggle and make silly noises too. I want to remember, not just the fear but, the innocence we had before the fear. I want to celebrate life because I'm pretty sure that those who gave theirs would want that for us just as we want it for them.
Much love to you and yours. - LM
What It's Like
I’ve been sitting pretty. I’ve been standing still.
You move me to pieces with just your force of will.
And, oh, how much I suffer for all my thinking small
while you walk up in wonder and have no fear at all
and now I’d like to know what it’s like
to have the world at your command,
drop the reigns when life gets heavy in your hands.
With a spark of youth and a heart so full,
you’re my living proof that everything is possible
and now I’d like to know what it’s like
to be you as you’re living every moment.
Must be nice to be you taking life with arms wide open.
I think I’d like to know what it’s like
Will you show the world to me, the one I need to know,
with the innocence you see so I can watch you go.
And you keep running with your head held high, your arms outstretched,
a smile the only reason why.
And now I’d like to know what it’s like
to be you as you’re living every moment.
Must be nice to be you taking life with arms wide open.
I think I’d like to know what that’s like.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Going Back to the Start (blog)
Scientific progress makes moral progress a necessity; for if man's power is increased,the checks that restrain him from abusing it must be strengthened
- Madame De Stael
It's not that I don't appreciate, enjoy, utilize or even encourage science and progress. It's that, too often, we forge ahead without thought of the consequences. This is especially true if those consequences don't adversely, directly and immediately effect us.
My husband just returned from the Honduras where he helped to bring clean water to a village that was in need. The stories he came back with were amazing and all of them touching. But, what blew my mind was the fact that these people were struggling not only for water but, for money to buy seed for their staple crop of corn. Because of our increased demand for corn to make ethanol, prices have risen too high for them to afford. It blew me away. It never would have crossed my mind if he hadn't been there and talked to them. Why would it? How was I supposed to know? I don't mention this to blame anyone for trying to find alternative fuel sources or to make anyone feel guilty about the increased demand. I mention it to illustrate the point that every choice we make as a nation has an impact, not only on us, but on other countries and other people throughout the world.
It made me wonder, why don't we think before we do? If we did, would it matter? Do we have to meet those who would be adversely affected face to face for us to consider or even seek other options? I don't know.
I have to applaud people who have a heart for, not stopping "progress", but asking us to stop and think before we progress, to consider the impact and make changes accordingly. You don't have to be on one side or the other, for or against the world or the environment. We are capable of doing this. We are capable of considering our actions and the consequences of those actions before we act. Or, in cases where we have already moved ahead in a direction that has proved to be destructive, starting over.
Today, I came across this video featuring a cover of Coldplay's "The Scientist" by Willie Nelson for Chipotle. I'm not gonna lie. I teared up a bit. I've read that Willie has a passion for sustainable farming and that knowledge made the video that much more meaningful to me. Again, don't get me wrong. I'm not sitting here on my Mac telling you that technology is the devil. It's not. It is what it is and it is what we make of it. So, it's up to us. And, all we have to do is think beyond ourselves. Not perfectly, not completely. I mean, we are so far removed from so many processes that it's impossible to see our own hand in the destruction. All I'm asking is that you don't shut your eyes, ears and heart to what you can do to positively affect the world around you. Even if it's as little as the step we decided to take this year by buying produce direct and supporting a local sustainable farm. Or, as big as going to a foreign country and trying to have a positive impact on the lives of people there. The more people do it, the more businesses do it, the more the merrier. Do what you can do. Do it with love. - Laura Marie
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Your good thoughts and prayers, please
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/07/world/asia/07afghanistan.html
Really, to all who have lost their lives in this war. This news is incredibly sobering as a member of my family, my brother in law Richard Marsh, is deployed today. In an hour he will be on his way to Afghanistan. Our thoughts and prayers are with him and I'm glad my sister and my nephews are here with us during this difficult transition. For those of you in spiritual practice, I ask for your thoughts and prayers for them, for the families of those who were lost today and for all our service men and women. I want them to know our hearts are with them.
Sincerely an with deepest hope,
Laura Marie
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Monday, August 1, 2011
Happy Anniversary, Love!!!(blog)
That dweam within a dweam...
Today is my...ahem...19th wedding anniversary. I'm married to an incredible man. He leaves on Friday to spend his birthday digging trenches in the Honduras to help provide clean water to a village that has never had running water before. This will change lives and I'm so incredibly proud of him for doing this. Pete has a tremendous heart. I knew this when I married him.
A lot can happen in 19 years and a lot has happened. Marriage is throwing yourself into the fire to be changed and to see what you're made of. You will hurt like nothing else before and, because of that, you have the opportunity to love like you never have before and be loved more than you ever thought possible. I guess I could say the same about being a parent but it's different with marriage because it's often much more of a choice than parenting is. You most likely do not accidentally get married and stay married. :) And, unlike parenting in my experience, when you are hurt in marriage, you're instinct tells you to run instead of telling you to open your arms and love past it. But, over the years, we have and I'm grateful for that. Because of my marriage, I can look into myself and say I chose the right person to spend my life with, that I actually listened to the most honest part of me and, when I did, love was there.
To Pete, I love you always in all ways. - L
If you have the Google Chrome browser, watch the video here: http://www.allisnotlo.st/videoend_ja.html?mid=CfMPORj80gG
If you'd like to donate to the project for clean water, you still can here in support of Pete Kleffner: https://dlq4.donatelinq.net/qv10/Default.aspx?MerchantID=Rockhills
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Heaven
The first time I heard this song I cried.
It says something amazing. What does belief matter if we make no difference here? In a Billboard interview Matt Dennen said, "If the after life is something that we are going to have this faith in, something we all might look forwards to, better than what we have going on here, then why not work to try and recreate those conditions, here on earth."
Kind of puts things into perspective. I don't talk much about my faith publicly for good reason. There are too many misconceptions about what each of us believes and sometimes we aren't even sure what we believe until we start questioning exactly what that is. And, in the midst of questioning, everything changes. One thing I do know, is when I really ask, from the depths of my heart, "How can I honor the love that created me?", the answer is never to judge another. It's always "be love" however I can be.
- LM
Monday, June 6, 2011
Wonderful things...
I've taken a mini-vaction or I'm on strike or whatever. I just needed a few days to get my life back in order. I think, these days, when you work as singer, songwriter, performing artist, booking agent, publicist, web designer and are a mom, wife, home owner and dog owner...you sometimes forget you are a human being who needs to have clean laundry, a clean home and her toes done once in a blue moon! So, yeah, a few days off to breathe again so I'll stop jumping whenever anyone touches my shoulder or snapping at people who, all of a sudden, have become unusually annoying.
And, there is a construction site in our backyard. It's the site of our first annual HORSE tournament if it ever gets done. My boys love basketball. So, hoops...there it is.
Here's what I've accomplished so far:
My toenails are a beautiful shade of blue. My floors have been cleaned, I've finally read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and I'm preparing to watch it now on Netflix. Hope you have a lovely week. I'll be back into the swing of things again by Wednesday. I'm playing more private events than ever before. Kind of cool..
Laura Marie
PS I almost forgot the real reason I wrote this post. Check out this picture I found on the internet. It's amazing!!!! It's NOT a painting or cartoon. It's real:
You can go to http://photography.nationalgeographic.com/photography/photo-of-the-day/camel-thorn-trees-namibia/ to read more about it and see other great pics. I just thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
I'll never forget and I believe (Mom blog)
I'll never forget the moment that I knew everything was alright. I had a difficult labor with my first child. His heart rate and my blood pressure kept dropping. They were prepared to rush me into a the operating room for an emergency c-section. I was terrified but then, all of a sudden before the doctor even said so, I just knew. He was fine.
And, it isn't the first time I held him that sticks in my mind. It's a moment when we were alone at home and he was awake in my arms and I picked him up so that we were face to face. I looked in his eyes. I mean, really looked. I wasn't just seeing him. I was filled with a deep sense of recognition. The only way to explain it was that something inside of me remembered him. His eyes were my eyes. I knew who he was inside and out.
I'll never forget the first time he walked. It really did feel like my heart was outside of my body, completely vulnerable. I was thrilled and terrified at the same time.
I'll never forget the moment I knew I was pregnant with my second child. I woke up in the middle of the night and my whole body was tingling. I'd never felt that way before but, I knew what it meant.
I'll never forget the phone call from the doctor saying something was wrong. I was alone. Pete was in Germany. My parent's came rushing over. I couldn't stand up. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. There was so much emotion and I couldn't express any of it.
I'll never forget my friend Tricia saying, "You don't know what's wrong yet. Don't worry until you know what you have to worry about." It turned out to be nothing. A false positive on the test. He was fine, better than fine. That boy was 9 pounds at birth and he giggled from the moment he was born like he'd been playing a joke on us all along. By then, the fear was forgotten.
It wasn't until we got the phone call that our dear friends were in trouble that it all came rushing back. There was something wrong with their baby. Both baby and mother were in grave danger. Just after hearing the news, I sat down and wrote "Surface". I think it took less than an hour. I cried the entire time and, for a long time after, couldn't sing it without crying. I remembered the fear and knew that it had to be greater than anything I'd ever felt.
We all prayed. There was nothing else we could do. And, I remember how I felt when the doctor's declared the survival of both mom and baby a miracle. The fetus had a torn diaphragm and should not have been able to process the amniotic fluid. The mother had been swelling dangerously and the baby's lungs were underdeveloped. He needed surgery just after birth. Then, another surgery when the diaphragm tore again. But, they survived and are alive and well today. I think of them and believe in things I didn't believe in before.
Surface was and is a mother's prayer.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Unity (blog)
My concern was that I might seem un-American.
I don't usually watch news shows or let my children watch them. I prefer to read the news and research the topics that interest me. I find what passes for journalism these days difficult to stomach and take everything I hear as somewhat informed opinion, if that. Truth is in the eye of the beholder.
But, I used to watch the news every morning. It was my birthday when, carrying my infant son in my arms, I walked downstairs just in time to see live footage of the second plane flying into the towers. When I looked at him this morning it hit me that we've been at war nearly his entire life.
The reporters were showing crowds of people screaming, "USA, USA!" and I looked at my son and said, "This isn't a football game. These are people's lives." He asked, "That guy was the head of the terrorists. They are the bad guys, right?" I answered, "That's the way we see it." He asked, "Are we the bad guys to them?"
Yes. We are.
I was concerned that I might seem un-American for not cheering at his death. But, I did not feel joy at the news of the assassination. It's hard to explain what I felt. At best, it was a sense of gratitude that at least some part of this was over. But, it's not really over. The hatred that fueled Osama Bin Laden still exists. It's in our country as much as in any other. It lives among us and among those that rail against us.
I want my children to respect life because, no matter how far back you take it, it was the lack of respect for human life that started this war. But, in my heart, that means respect for all life. To turn the tide we have to consider not just the lives of the young and innocent but the lives of the hateful and even criminal. It's not a joy that someone should die in order to solve the problem that their beliefs cause for others. Have we been so long at war that we've forgotten that war is not to be glorified and violence not to be celebrated?
Justice was served. But, we didn't score a point. We didn't win the game. We've lost so very, very much. From brave men and women who served to protect us to innocent people caught in the crossfire to those who were taught and convinced that we were their enemy and those who see our fear and hatred and respond in kind. We've lost them.
I know this may be hard for some to understand. I was afraid that no one would feel the same way I did. The headlines being repeated on the news were "Osama, rot in hell!" But, hell is a war we are left with. And, some blurb about finally getting revenge. Revenge? All revenge does is insure that we'll have more of the same.
Yet, I am grateful. I'm so very grateful for the people who continue to protect us and grateful for the friends who surrounded me this morning. Sometimes, my views are so contrary to others opinions that I think I'm alone. But, I'm not.
So, thanks to Megan for sharing what comforted her:
"As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live." Ezekiel 33:11
Thanks, to Steve for sharing this:
http://theresurgence.com/2011/05/02/love-your-enemies
Thanks, to Chris for his tweets calling for a more dignified public response from our people.
Their sharing of their faith with me has taught me that Christianity is not always what some, who have used it to justify their fear and hatred, have made it out to be. My hope is that we can all move forward and consider that Islam is not what Osama Bin Laden made it out to be.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Blog O' Peace
There are so many things I wanted to blog about this week. It started with Donald Trump. It's not so much the birth certificate issue as much as it's how he unabashedly stands for pride and excess and that is, truly, nothing I look for in a leader. Tolerance, humility, calm and consideration... the ability to consider someone's opinion that differs from your own... These are qualities I hope to have and that take daily practice to achieve with any consistency. I'm disappointed in myself when I fail at them and disappointed when our leaders do too because, more often than not, we follow by example. It's our default. So, yeah, it would help to have leaders exemplify such qualities. It would also help if we didn't get such a kick out of people fighting and getting back at one another. Pride is a drug.
Then the tornadoes. One of the first tweets I got on the subject was for someone looking for a baby. Their baby? Someone else's baby? Someone lost in the storm. I don't know the whole story but, it broke my heart and, yes, I was disturbed that the loss of what is now being reported as 300 of our fellow Americans was getting less coverage than the royal wedding. It's not that I wanted to be wrapped up in the drama and destruction. I just wanted to know what was being done to help the people who were effected and what I could do to help. It's a long road to recovery and it's not just "another disaster". Our compassion switch should be turned on now.
But, it was something completely trivial that made me start actively looking for peace again. Someone refusing to pick up their dog's poop at the dog park. I know! It sounds so petty. It IS so petty. It was being face to face with someone who knew they were being inconsiderate and didn't care.
Excuse me, you're dog just pooped.
Re: Yeah, it's okay.
Um, I know but you are supposed to pick it up.
Re: Nah. I don't think so.
It's on the sign. They even have bags for you to use.
Re: No.
I mean, okay, so no one is around and you figure, what is one little poop among all these other piles of dog droppings that people leave at odd times when they find themselves alone in the park. Hmmm... But, this was in a group of people who are here to "socialize" their pets. To help them learn to play nice with one another. Who have seen each other step in it and know how annoying it is and so, pick up after their dogs if only to keep themselves from embarrassment. Why come into a community to throw poop in the face of it? So, I just went over and picked it up. Someone else confronted them and whatever happened in that conversation compelled them to call park police. I didn't stick around for any more of the drama. My peace had already been disturbed and I wanted to go to my happy place. So, here is a happy place for you when big things or little things throw you off. It's the sound of waves crashing on the shore on the beach at Cinque Terre on the Italian Riviera. I recorded it on my iPhone when I was there last Summer.
Have a beautiful weekend.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
It goes like this...
Up at 4am...can't sleep for about an hour.
Fall back asleep. Wake again at 7.
Get the equipment together. Make sure I have my t-shirts and merch organized. Print out merch sheets for friends who have graciously volunteered to tend to the merch table. Grab dog food for Daphne so Pete can drop her off at the kennel so she doesn't eat the back porch while we're gone all day. Get the kids up, fed, dressed and packed with a change of clothes because they are going to Mom's and they'll need to change to attend a play. Forget to eat. Take a shower, get dressed, remember to eat, or rather, drink my breakfast - protein shake. Check and double check the car for guitars, guitar strings, pics, batteries, chords, etc. Pick up after the kids who have left their dishes all over the place. Post stuff on the internet for a few people I help promote.
Chris arrives. Get in the car, drive to the bank and get change for the merch table. Drive to mom's to drop off the kids, get to St. Mary's, park the car and unload the gear. Get to the stage and answer phone calls. Forgot to leave a car seat. Forgot to tell Tim there was back line. Remembered I was glad that I remembered to tell Justin and Jake there was a back line. Jake arrives. There's back line? Crap. I thought I remembered. Confused. Call Pete. He takes care of the car seat situation. Forgot to eat again and there is nothing gluten free around here. Jake saves the day with a larabar.
Get on stage. Breathe. Play music <3 <3 <3
(iPhone capture by Jennifer Coffey)
Get off stage. Be happy though sweaty, sticky and starving. Pack up and load the car. Drive to the first restaurant with gluten free options I can think of. Eat (a lot) with Margaret and Chris. Laugh and laugh. Pick up the kids, pick up the dog, come home.
Breathe. Shower. Breathe again.
Who says you can't have it all?
This day made possible by the following: Pete, Berto Torres, my Mom, Chris Taylor, Jake Owen, Tim Phillips, Onel Jimenez, Margaret Vasquez, Teri Irvin and Michelle Fuentes. Also, Matt the sound guy and his crew, the stage manager and stage hands and my alma mater St. Mary's University. Oh, and thank you, Larabar, for existing.
P.S. All this to say I am incredibly grateful for the friends and family who make it possible for me to do things I love to do. You are appreciated.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Time to breathe...
I've been very touched by some of the messages I've received regarding my health issues mentioned in the last blog post. So much has happened in such a short amount of time that I really must apologize for not getting to this post sooner. The first thing I want to say is that things are much, much better. The acoustic neuroma that showed up on my MRI disappeared on the second MRI. WHAT ?!??! Sounds crazy, right? I can't even begin to explain how amazing this news was. I didn't even realize how depressed I'd been until that weight was lifted off my shoulders.
I'm not sure how this happened and, right now, I don't care. I'm just so incredibly grateful that that nightmare is over. My doc says my hearing loss could have been due to a virus that ran it's course and the acoustic neuroma could have been a mistake on the MRI. I also use alternative methods of healing and, since I've had some amazing experiences before, I'm not ruling out the effect this might have had on a small tumor. Or, even a big one for that matter. I'm a believer in what energy medicine can do. I know, not everyone gets it and a good portion of the medical community discounts it but, whatever. A good portion of the medical community also supported the prescription drugs that did me more harm than good so, whatever....we have to go with what works for our bodies. I also had the benefit of another kind of energy medicine: prayer and meditation. At this time I want to thank all of you who sent well wishes, said prayers and appealed to that great force of love on my behalf. To me, it all comes back to that. Love is what changes everything and, no doubt in my mind, love changed this.
So, thank you so very, very much. <3
Friday, February 25, 2011
Mind over Matter (LM blog)
I think some people might wonder why I'm a bit of a health nut, why physical exercise and diet seems to be such a big deal to me, why I'm always looking for the new solution to a healthier me...it's times like these.
Times like these when my body just quits. It's had enough. It doesn't want to move. Every joint and muscle hurts and walking, running, doing things seems like too much of an effort. If it were just that, I wouldn't be too concerned. I would just rest and wait it out. After all, I had a long week. Folk Alliance veterans will tell you it takes time to recover. But, I've been through this before and I know when my system decides to shut down, there's no reasoning with it. It gets to work on my mind and starts telling me that it's not worth the trouble. If I persist, it insists, "What the hell are doing? You're not going anywhere."
And right about then is when I get angry.
Ask anyone who knows me. I have issues with the word "no". Tell me I can't do something and you've pushed the wrong button. So, it's the worst betrayal in the world to hear myself say, "I give up". But, I do. I give up fighting it. I give up crying over it. I give up. I'm telling my body right here and now, I trust you. I trust you to find your balance, heal and recover because I need you for something more important than a number on a scale or a certain dress size.
This past year, after years and years of searching for reasons why, I found some answers. An autoimmune disorder. My body fighting itself. Exactly. What I've always done in spirit depicted in physical form....viola! There it is. And I welcomed the diagnosis because this was something I could do something about. Eat the right things (bye-bye gluten), exercise, rest and take my meds. Yay! This I can do! Then, boom, another diagnosis. This time about something I can do absolutely nothing about. An acoustic neuroma. Just have to live with it. Accept "no" and that I can't do anything because there's nothing to do. Not now, anyway. And, be grateful that I'm really in the best case scenario as such things are concerned. Still, I wish it were gone.
Either way, it's still a matter of how I feel. And, right now, I'm a little unsettled. Over the last few months, I've witnessed people I admire in the music industry express their distaste for it, their animosity, their hopelessness in continuing the "fight" to make it. It unsettles me because I see these people as successful. They are doing what they want for a living and actually making a living doing it. I mean, they aren't financially dependent on anything but their music and, if that's a problem, I think I wouldn't mind having it. Which makes me think that there are probably plenty of people out there who wish they had my problems instead of their own. I get to make music. It doesn't feed me. It doesn't support my family. It just makes me happy and I hope it makes someone else happy too because it's times like this, when I'm tired and in physical pain, that I could see it as a fight too. And, fighting is something I can't do anymore. Besides, I have to believe that in some ways, because I get to do this, I've already made it. I've made it as far as the past me wanted to be and I'll take it as far as the future me really wants to go.
Cartoon pic of me gives the appearance of alertness. Yay!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
No sleep 'til Sunday
Um...and that's when we'll be driving.
Despite that, I would not trade sleep for the experience of Folk Alliance. It's incredibly inspiring to be around so many creative people making music, building relationships, learning, soaking it all in...
I've had the pleasure of driving up here and sharing the stage with the wonderful Vanessa Lively and we are kidnapping Gina Chavez and taking her back to Austin with us! I'm the only one of us three that doesn't have a bit of Spanish in my set. It's never something I thought I'd be doing but they'll have me singing backing vocals in Spanish for one of Vanessa's showcases. Sweet.
Ok, so, I think typing is making me sleepy again so, I'm going back to bed for a bit. Here are some pics from last night in the GoGirls room. We went from the wonderful GoGirls Showcase to the extraordinary "GoGirls presents: Live from Laura's Bed" with artists cozying up on my bed to share their final song. We even had some special visitors pop in. I didn't get pics of everyone because I got kind of spacey as the night wore on but here are some.
Thanks to all the people who "tuned in" online. GoGirls will be broadcasting each showcase from the room from 2-4pm and 10:30pm-2:30am. You can check out the lineup here: http://www.gogirlsmusic.com/fa11/
The direct link to watch it live on UStream is here: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/gogirlsmusic . Showcases are archived so you can watch each artist from last night and even us being ridiculous at 3am.
Next time I'll be on will be Saturday night. I'm opening up the showcase at 10:30 with a set and closing it at 2:30am with the final showcase of the conference. You never know who will stop by so, check in with us.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Celebrity bashing
It's the new acceptable hate.
It's nauseating.
"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you don't know who Bob Lefsetz is, just know that he is a gifted writer who takes on the music industry. I don't always agree with him and he can be incredibly harsh but he's refreshingly honest and he doesn't hold back. So, when I got the Lefsetz Letter in my inbox today entitled Christina Aguilera At The Super Bowl (as I'm writing this post it's not on his website yet) I was prepared for the bashing. I should have known better. Instead, you've just got to read it when it's archived. He said what I was thinking as I was listening to rants from the general public about the musical performances at the Superbowl.
Thanks, Bob, for telling the audience "...if you think you can deliver under pressure, you're sorely mistaken."
Ok, so, the sound sucked. I think those of us on the performance side of the music industry would rather they just scale back the spectacle and get the sound right for both the audience in the stadium and the one watching from home. Either way, it's a tall order but it's not impossible. You certainly can't please everyone with the artist selection but you can make damn sure they sound good. It just depends on where your priorities are and we all know the focus is football so....whatever.
To me, it all goes back to the character assassination that takes place every time a performer dare perform to a national audience. Do you have any idea the strength of character it takes to stand up there and deliver in front of that audience? Add to that the national pastime of tearing people apart when they're done. Regardless of what you have going on in your personal, off-stage life, regardless of how many times you've performed or how many people you've performed in front of, it takes everything you've got and it takes absolutely nothing to sit there in a comfy chair and tell the whole world how much they suck, how dare they try and to laugh at the desire to want to shine, share a gift and use this thing that you are entirely made up of, consumed by and passionate about.
Why is it acceptable to tear somebody down just because they've reached some level of success or notoriety? Maybe because you don't know what it's like and don't want to know what it's like to put yourself in a place like that when you are imperfect, when you don't have it all together and you are still capable of making mistakes both personally and professionally.
“Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all."
- Meg Cabot
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Body heat
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
It comes out of nowhere...
What knocks you down off your pedestal?
I don't know about you, but it's always when I feel like I've thought of everything, covered all my bases, have all my little ducks in a row. It's when I'm feeling 98% satisfied with myself. That's a really good feeling. So good that I'm willing to ignore that 2% in the back of my mind telling me to watch my step because I'm missing something. Then, next thing you know, that 2% comes at you full force and you're flat on your back gasping for air. It doesn't seem fair and there might not have been anything you could do to prevent it. Some things are out of our control in our lives, careers, relationships. We can't think of everything, cover all our bases or have all our ducks in a row. Turns out ducks have minds of their own anyway.
So. While I'm lying here staring up at the sky and trying to catch my breath, I'm going to tell myself, "I'm ok. Things are still 98% good. Now I know what I missed and that will be helpful next time." And, even though 'next time' sounds like an exhausting effort right now, I know, once I catch my breath, I'm going to want to get up there again. I want a better and better view. And if my desire to keep climbing to get it is still greater than my fear of heights, I think I'm okay. And, if I still believe in what is great and good about my life, my career and my relationships, getting knocked down in any of them is not so painful. That 2% might be standing over me laughing but it's still only 2%. I believe that. I'm looking at the sky and, yeah, I believe that.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The very depths of violence
“Violence is not merely killing another. It is violence when we use a sharp word, when we make a gesture to brush away a person, when we obey because there is fear. So violence isn't merely organized butchery in the name of God, in the name of society or country. Violence is much more subtle, much deeper, and we are inquiring into the very depths of violence.”
- Jiddu Krishnamurti
As I was on 9/11, I was glued to the TV on 1/9/11 the day after the AZ shooting. It was news of the death of a 9 year old girl that I couldn't stomach. 9 years old. The same age as my son and she was born on the same day of the year that I was. 9/11. It did not escape me that those who were injured or killed were not known for being difficult people with highly controversial opinions (to most people anyway) but some of those who came to their rescue were. One gun-toting conservative and one unarmed liberal among them. Though that may sound stereotypical, it's not meant to be. I know gun toting liberals and conservatives that wouldn't touch a gun with a ten foot pole. That's just the way it happened and the circumstances seemed laid out perfectly for us to learn a valuable lesson about each other and how differences don't amount to much when we are talking about the value of each other's lives. But, it doesn't seem like we've learned anything at all. I told a group of friends last night that, it used to be, a loss like this would shake people into coming together, seeing past their differences and seek to improve relationships. That's not what happened at all.
We saw it with Haiti. For the most part, people's hearts broke open. They poured in and lent a hand. It was disturbing to me that some just sat back and criticized. "Why are we helping them when we didn't help our own people when Katrina hit?". I found it funny that the hyper critical were not the people who actually got up and went to affected areas when disaster struck. The people that went weren't complaining. They were doing. Sure, they may have been outraged by circumstances but they understood that there is more value in taking positive action than there is in making negative statements.
When the Arizona shooting happened, it was shocking. It was cold and inhumane. Unthinkable until you actually had to think about it. This was not a natural disaster. This was man made by someone who, like it or not, is as human as we are. We can try to say he is not. But, we are only denying that we ourselves are capable of deep hatred and of giving in to it. We don't know the circumstances of his life. We don't know the abuses or illnesses he's suffered that would allow his mind to be so deeply disturbed as to take the lives of these people with seemingly no remorse whatsoever. But, like him, we are capable of giving in to our darker side. And many of us proved it not even minutes following. Fingers, pointing, pointing, pointing. Justifications for hatred and anger on the left and right and everywhere in between. Everyone saying how everyone else should learn a lesson and no one learning it. No one exemplifying it. Where is the calm voice? The voice that finds deep meaning in the lives that these people lost. The voice that says they did not die in vain because we have learned that our differences are not worth dehumanizing each other over. The voice that doesn't say, everyone else is to blame but that says I am responsible for the words I choose and the way I treat my neighbors, my fellow citizens, my fellow human beings. So, instead of excusing my harsh words and justifying my anger, I'm going to just stop it here and now. I'm going to take positive action instead of making negative statements.
My dear friend, Margaret, gave me a book last night on dog training. She knows I've had some difficulty controlling my rambunctious labrador around other people. As a result she (Daphne) and I tend to get hyper when people come over to the house. Who better to help train us than Cesar Millan? I started reading it last night and was expecting some great tips on calming my dog. What I wasn't expecting was such incredible insight into the "issues" of our society. I want to share with you a paragraph from the book "Be the Pack Leader":
"Humans will follow intellectual leaders. They will follow spiritual leaders, and they will follow emotional leaders. Humans are the only species on earth that will follow a totally unbalanced leader. Animals, however - though I believe they possess an emotional and spiritual side - will only follow instinctual leaders. I believe it is our loss of connection with our instinctual side that prevents us from being effective pack leaders for our dogs. Perhaps it is why we also seem to be failing at being positive guardians of our planet."
BAM! I love Cesar Millan.
Now, before anyone assumes that I am trying to make a point about President Obama, please...no. Don't go there. I'm talking about whoever we follow, whoever is our own personal pack leader. Because we often choose. As Cesar says, nature wants balance. I believe this. Every act of violence in nature and in our minds and hearts is in reaction to things being out of balance and is driven by the deep need to return to balance. This is why I've said, "My friends, if I were at peace with myself I would not be at war with you." I am deeply aware that it begins with me. It's my choice. When I am balanced the whole world is with me. When I am not, the whole world is against me. I know this but I don't always take control of my own heart and mind. I seek leadership and leadership is readily there to fill the gap. It may be spiritual, it may be emotional, it may be intellectual and, yes, it may be unbalanced. It may be a voice that encourages my anger and hatred even though it comes from a well-meaning friend. It may be a voice that speaks peace like a child perfectly calm and content amidst chaos. Like my child questioning, "Why are you angry? I just want to play."
As a human being capable of reason I'll often talk myself into and justify following an unbalanced leader. Why? Because of fear. Because my instinct is for self preservation are I'm looking to protect myself from the source of fear. The problem is, everyone else is doing the same thing. Some capitalize off of it earning money, ratings, attention...banking on fear. We buy into it, thereby, positively enforcing their fear. We lead each other. Our fears feed off of one another's and we are the unbalanced leading the unbalanced until we've all become what we fear the most.
No matter who reads this, it will naturally apply to "them". The other side. But that's why the other side is so important. They are truly a mirror. They mirror our own fears and our own basic need to survive. When I am balanced the whole world is with me. When I am not, the whole world is against me. This is why what happened in Arizona is only the fault of the man that did this but, absolutely the responsibility of every single one of us. I know, when bad things happen we all feel called to do something. We are intellectual beings but, in the heat of the moment, we act on instinct the way the crowd responded when the shots were fired. Fight, flight, avoid, submit...depending on our own personal make-up. But, removed by time and distance we choose. And, we, as observers don't need to fight, fly avoid or submit. Why choose fight now? Why choose negative and personal attacks now? We are not there. We are not in the time and space that this happened. Therefore, the only sane and reasonable course of action is to accept because we can't change it and move towards balance. Take positive action instead of making negative statements, lead with calm assurance instead of being lead by anger and achieve balance by allowing balance to return. I'm sorry, I know that last part requires faith and I'm not talking religion. It requires faith in our deep connection to each other; to acknowledge it, to respect it.
You can't change other people. It's not even your job to do so. Let it go. The only thing you can change is your experience with them. And the only way to do that positively is by being at peace and being assured in who you are. I married my husband because he was a calming influence on me. I was scattered and my mind seemed to even out when he was around. Over time, the balance shifted as does in any relationship. There was volatility, anger and resentment. All were in reaction to a loss of balance. Eventually, we found it again by having faith in our connection, knowing that we each play an important role for each other even though it may be a challenge at times. This holds true for everyone in every relationship. From husbands, wives and children to governments and constituents to countries and other cultures. We play an important role for each other. That's why it hurts when we dismiss it.
In recognizing the humanity of our fellow beings, we pay ourselves the highest tribute. - Thurgood Marshall
The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity - Leo Tolstoy
You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops in the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.
- Mahatma Ghandi
Monday, January 10, 2011
What the heck happened?
Sometimes things happen and sometimes things happen all at once. The beginning of 2011 has been eventful and I haven't really been sharing a lot of it because most of it is intensely personal and I needed a chance to get my head and heart in the right place before talking/writing about it. In truth, I've been waiting for things to subside but it seems like some things plan on being around a while so, I'm going to have to just get on with gettin' on. In answer to some of your questions:
I traveled to the midwest to spend time with family for the holidays. My husband is from Nebraska and that is where we spent Christmas and did not return until New Year's Eve. I usually get back to performing mid-January so, lack of shows does not mean I'm not performing. In fact, I have a show this week :)
Laura Marie @ Candlelight Coffeehouse
8pm, 3011 N. St. Mary's Street - SA, Tx.
More shows will be in announced in February including a trip to Memphis for the Folk Alliance conference with the GoGirls and shows with my friend and fellow songwriter, Vanessa Lively, along the way.
Tah-dah!!! The only change in my regular performance schedule is that I'll only be performing at Candlelight once a month as opposed to twice and it will be on the second Wed. of the month. This means I'll be booking more weekend shows and likely spending more time performing outside of San Antonio. This also accommodates a new teaching schedule as I've accepted a position teaching voice and guitar for performance at Bulverde Academy of Music. Wow. That's a big one for me but I love that my students are interested in doing the same thing I do. It's actually thrilling to mentor someone in this way.
Also, you may have noticed that I've announced a songwriting clinic with Chris Taylor at the Musicology LLC. I'm very excited about this and we may be doing more of them so be on the lookout. I love working with Chris and I love working with my friend Julian Escobedo who is both owner and bass instructor. We've known each other since kinder and he's accomplished a lot since then. Check out his bio. :)
Teaching is not something I planned on doing again but these were both opportunities that not only worked with my performance schedule, they offered me an experience to grow in areas that I've been wanting to develop. Yay, me!
*************
On a personal note. Pete and I lost members on each side of our family over the last month. We each lost an uncle and our concerns have been for our family members.This has been another reason I've been kind of out of touch and I think it's self explanatory. I wrote a song for one of the memorial services and will be posting it to my mailing list this week. If you are not signed up, you can do so by hitting the link below and will also receive a free download of Love You Like Me.
Some friends and followers already know that I was ill for a while and that the symptoms have been attributed to an "autoimmune disorder". My diet has changed quite drastically. Again. I have now been gluten free for about 3 months and have seen a huge decrease in symptoms which is great. I am no longer vegetarian but, being a vegetarian DID NOT make me ill. I was on a path to discover how I could help my body through diet. It turns out that meat wasn't a huge factor and, now that I know protein deficiency did not play a role, I'm giving my body time to adjust and heal before making any further changes.Lastly, this is a call for your love and support. For the last month I've had a significant loss of hearing in my right ear accompanied by a loud ringing. This is not due to loud music and it's also been confirmed that it is not due to fluid in my ear. It's a nerve thing. The cause is unknown at this point and, really, the only thing I care about is that it gets resolved and that my hearing returns.
The doc says, "30% completely recover, 30% partially recover and 30% don't recover at all. " Thems the odds. So, I ask for your good energy, prayers, vibes, meditations. Whatever ya got! Send them my way. The next month or so, according to at least one doc, will be telling and I'm shooting for "full recovery". :)
Much love, Laura Marie
P.S.
Stay tuned for commentaries on violence, body image and such and so forth...
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