Why I hated Sheryl Crow (blog)

Competition. The word used to literally make me throw up. I swam competitively in high school. Well, not that competitively. I could never stomach the pressure of having to win. I hated the way it made me feel and the way people seemed to think it normal and good and healthy that my self worth should hinge on wether or not I was "better" than the person next to me (I never was). But, I wanted to belong so, I suffered through the "competition" and not being "better than" made me feel worthless. Eventually, that worthlessness turned to frustration and anger and I began to see competitors as enemies. That's where I still kind of was when I became a musician. Anyone who wasn't with me was against me and anyone who was doing what I wish I could do but couldn't deserved my complete contempt. It's why I hated Sheryl Crow. She covered Led Zeppelin's D'yer Mak'er and ruined it for me. That's what I WANTED TO DO!!!!!! :) Nevermind that she was famous and I was nobody. It sickened me. There were other perceived "competitors" over the years but, I also started searching for truth, happiness and release from fears that had followed me all my life. Somewhere along the way I realized that music was a gift, songwriting was my refuge. My love for it was pure and the love that came through it was sacred. I didn't want ego to touch it. I began to avoid competition and anyone who sparked even the smallest competitive spirit within me. Anytime I was put into a competitive situation I tried to transform it, release the ego from it, let go of any need to feel "better than" or simply walk away. What songwriting means to me is too important to reduce it to sport...a crapshoot for your soul? No way. Eventually, I began to seek out and surround myself with musicians who felt like I did, who did it for the pure joy or the absolute need to express something beautiful, wonderful, good and true, who channeled love. I found people I could learn from who would teach me how to do what I wanted to do better. Not better than anyone else. Better than I'd ever done it before. The best that I could according to my own sense of beauty and truth. No one else's. Don't get me wrong. I love to feel accepted. I have great respect for audiences and love praise and acknowledgment. But, praise and acknowledgement are not sufficient reasons to do what I do in the way that I do it. They don't fuel the passion. And, I simply don't have it in me to try to win favor. Its exhausting. I don't see the point in trying to convince people I'm something that I'm not. I can't and won't manipulate an audience however big or small. What I am is what you get. I'm not any younger, smarter, better or more beautiful than the next person but, hopefully, I'm as authentic and real as I can be. I don't know how other people think but, when someone is real and authentic I find them to be more beautiful than beautiful, more sexy than sexy, more everything than anything. If I'm ever that then, cool. Let me just make it clear to any other musician I've offended in my honest attempt to be not only a musician but, an artist trying to communicate as much truth and beauty as possible into this lovely but chaotic world: you are never the barometer by which I judge my own ability or worth. You are you. I am me. If you were ever down I'd lift you up but I can't do anything for someone who needs to see me beneath them. P.S. I love you Sheryl Crow

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

On what you do and don't believe

I want to share something extremely personal. It's a quote from my mother.

A little background: My mother has a double masters in pastoral theology and social work. She has a heart for service to the community. She has friends from all walks of life and raised me, by example, to have an open mind and heart. Both my parent's raised me to stand up for what I believe in. The circumstances of my life have given me a unique perspective (as unique as anyone else's) and have led me towards advocacy for many causes including but not limited to peace, AIDS awareness, child sex-trafficking awareness and support for victims, minority issues and the issues of the LGBT community. 

Here's the quote. It's not a complete quote but it's what I'll share with you:

"...it's difficult being part of a community where your beliefs differ - but isn't that what a community is all about? Just like family - we love them no matter what - but we don't always agree. Just be kind and continue to listen..."

I wanted to share it because I think it applies to not just being part of the community she and I were discussing but for participation in all communities. It applies to being part of a family, a neighborhood, a church, a city, a state, a country and the human race. 

There will always be difficulties because there will always be differences. This should not discourage you from taking part. Don't be afraid to be around people who think, act, or live differently than you do. It will challenge you beyond your own experience. And, doing so with an open mind and heart will increase the potential for two wonderful things to happen in your life: finding what is truest to your heart so that you may live by it and removing beliefs that are unhealthy and limit your potential as a human being.  

This is why I chose a church community. Heck, that's why I chose a marriage. Though, I don't think either relationship would last if I wasn't encouraged by both to think for myself and come to my own understanding. Relationships that don't encourage you to think for yourself shouldn't last. You can't live by someone else's belief system if it contradicts what is truest to your own. 

So, do I always agree with everything? No. But, I'm very grateful to be in a marriage and in a church that leaves room for my diferences and doesn't turn me away because of them. I'm also grateful for what I have learned and what has changed in my own life for having allowed someone to challenge me. We are not islands unto ourselves. Like it or not, as humans we are a community. Our country and our world need room for differences. The potential is everywhere for us to live as one. 

Be kind.

Continue to listen.

Love them no matter what.  - LM

 

--------------

 

Here's a rough demo of a song I wrote a while back. I think it kinda of says what I mean.

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Valentine Shmalentine: Be Love

He was a martyr. One of many that we don't celebrate on this day. That's all I know about St. Valentine. But, not all I know about love.

It doesn't really bother me that this has become some sort of crazy superficial holiday that celebrates the idea that we should hold one person as special enough to be worthy of our love. It doesn't bother me but, that's not what I believe. I believe love should be shared universaly in as many expressions as possible. We should live for love. We should be love....in all our actions, words, thoughts, etc.

Am I love? Yes. Am I perfect in my expression? No. But it's my intention. An intention I have to remind myself of when that annoying person comes my way, my children do something that bothers me or that politician or pundit says something I don't agree with. 

So, if this is going to be a day that celebrates love, let it be a day of intention to love as perfectly as I can. Let me be love in situations that call for love. And, all situations call for love. Let me be patient with people in traffic. Let me be kind in my thoughts to that person who has been driving me crazy. Let me look beyond what annoys me, what disturbs me...let me leave some space for whatever love brings my way. 

 

 

I was going to post a new video but the song wasn't appropriate for this day. I'll do that on Monday now that my computer is fixed. <3

 

 -LM

 

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. - Rumi

 

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. - 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

 

We cannot give what we do not have: We cannot bring peace to the world if we ourselves are not peaceful. We cannot bring love to the world if we ourselves are not loving. Our true gift to ourselves and others lies not in what we have but in who we are. - Marianne Williamson

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Going Back to the Start (blog)

Scientific progress makes moral progress a necessity; for if man's power is increased,the checks that restrain him from abusing it must be strengthened

 - Madame De Stael

  

It's not that I don't appreciate, enjoy, utilize or even encourage science and progress. It's that, too often, we forge ahead without thought of the consequences. This is especially true if those consequences don't adversely, directly and immediately effect us.

My husband just returned from the Honduras where he helped to bring clean water to a village that was in need. The stories he came back with were amazing and all of them touching. But, what blew my mind was the fact that these people were struggling not only for water but, for money to buy seed for their staple crop of corn. Because of our increased demand for corn to make ethanol, prices have risen too high for them to afford. It blew me away. It never would have crossed my mind if he hadn't been there and talked to them. Why would it? How was I supposed to know? I don't mention this to blame anyone for trying to find alternative fuel sources or to make anyone feel guilty about the increased demand. I mention it to illustrate the point that every choice we make as a nation has an impact, not only on us, but on other countries and other people throughout the world. 

It made me wonder, why don't we think before we do? If we did, would it matter? Do we have to meet those who would be adversely affected face to face for us to consider or even seek other options? I don't know. 

I have to applaud people who have a heart for, not stopping "progress", but asking us to stop and think before we progress, to consider the impact and make changes accordingly. You don't have to be on one side or the other, for or against the world or the environment. We are capable of doing this. We are capable of considering our actions and the consequences of those actions before we act. Or, in cases where we have already moved ahead in a direction that has proved to be destructive, starting over.  

Today, I came across this video featuring a cover of Coldplay's "The Scientist" by Willie Nelson for Chipotle. I'm not gonna lie. I teared up a bit. I've read that Willie has a passion for sustainable farming and that knowledge made the video that much more meaningful to me. Again, don't get me wrong. I'm not sitting here on my Mac telling you that technology is the devil. It's not. It is what it is and it is what we make of it. So, it's up to us. And, all we have to do is think beyond ourselves. Not perfectly, not completely. I mean, we are so far removed from so many processes that it's impossible to see our own hand in the destruction. All I'm asking is that you don't shut your eyes, ears and heart to what you can do to positively affect the world around you. Even if it's as little as the step we decided to take this year by buying produce direct and supporting a local sustainable farm. Or, as big as going to a foreign country and trying to have a positive impact on the lives of people there. The more people do it, the more businesses do it, the more the merrier. Do what you can do. Do it with love.  - Laura Marie

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Happy Anniversary, Love!!!(blog)

 

That dweam within a dweam...

 

Today is my...ahem...19th wedding anniversary. I'm married to an incredible man. He leaves on Friday to spend his birthday digging trenches in the Honduras to help provide clean water to a village that has never had running water before. This will change lives and I'm so incredibly proud of him for doing this. Pete has a tremendous heart. I knew this when I married him. 

A lot can happen in 19 years and a lot has happened. Marriage is throwing yourself into the fire to be changed and to see what you're made of. You will hurt like nothing else before and, because of that, you have the opportunity to love like you never have before and be loved more than you ever thought possible. I guess I could say the same about being a parent but it's different with marriage because it's often much more of a choice than parenting is. You most likely do not accidentally get married and stay married. :) And, unlike parenting in my experience, when you are hurt in marriage, you're instinct tells you to run instead of telling you to open your arms and love past it. But, over the years, we have and I'm grateful for that. Because of my marriage, I can look into myself and say I chose the right person to spend my life with, that I actually listened to the most honest part of me and, when I did, love was there.  

To Pete, I love you always in all ways.  - L

If you have the Google Chrome browser, watch the video here: http://www.allisnotlo.st/videoend_ja.html?mid=CfMPORj80gG

If you'd like to donate to the project for clean water, you still can here in support of Pete Kleffner: https://dlq4.donatelinq.net/qv10/Default.aspx?MerchantID=Rockhills

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Blog O' Peace

There are so many things I wanted to blog about this week. It started with Donald Trump. It's not so much the birth certificate issue as much as it's how he unabashedly stands for pride and excess and that is, truly, nothing I look for in a leader. Tolerance, humility, calm and consideration... the ability to consider someone's opinion that differs from your own... These are qualities I hope to have and that take daily practice to achieve with any consistency. I'm disappointed in myself when I fail at them and disappointed when our leaders do too because, more often than not, we follow by example. It's our default. So, yeah, it would help to have leaders exemplify such qualities. It would also help if we didn't get such a kick out of people fighting and getting back at one another. Pride is a drug.

Then the tornadoes. One of the first tweets I got on the subject was for someone looking for a baby. Their baby? Someone else's baby? Someone lost in the storm. I don't know the whole story but, it broke my heart and, yes, I was disturbed that the loss of what is now being reported as 300 of our fellow Americans was getting less coverage than the royal wedding. It's not that I wanted to be wrapped up in the drama and destruction. I just wanted to know what was being done to help the people who were effected and what I could do to help. It's a long road to recovery and it's not just "another disaster". Our compassion switch should be turned on now. 

But, it was something completely trivial that made me start actively looking for peace again. Someone refusing to pick up their dog's poop at the dog park. I know! It sounds so petty. It IS so petty. It was being face to face with someone who knew they were being inconsiderate and didn't care.  

 

Excuse me, you're dog just pooped.

Re: Yeah, it's okay. 

Um, I know but you are supposed to pick it up. 

Re: Nah. I don't think so. 

It's on the sign. They even have bags for you to use. 

Re: No. 

 

I mean, okay, so no one is around and you figure, what is one little poop among all these other piles of dog droppings that people leave at odd times when they find themselves alone in the park. Hmmm... But, this was in a group of people who are here to "socialize" their pets. To help them learn to play nice with one another. Who have seen each other step in it and know how annoying it is and so, pick up after their dogs if only to keep themselves from embarrassment. Why come into a community to throw poop in the face of it? So, I just went over and picked it up. Someone else confronted them and whatever happened in that conversation compelled them to call park police. I didn't stick around for any more of the drama. My peace had already been disturbed and I wanted to go to my happy place. So, here is a happy place for you when big things or little things throw you off. It's the sound of waves crashing on the shore on the beach at Cinque Terre on the Italian Riviera. I recorded it on my iPhone when I was there last Summer. 

 

Have a beautiful weekend.

 

 

Cinqueterre by Laura Marie (USA)

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs