I'll never forget and I believe (Mom blog)

I'll never forget the moment that I knew everything was alright. I had a difficult labor with my first child. His heart rate and my blood pressure kept dropping. They were prepared to rush me into a the operating room for an emergency c-section. I was terrified but then, all of a sudden before the doctor even said so, I just knew. He was fine. 

And, it isn't the first time I held him that sticks in my mind. It's a moment when we were alone at home and he was awake in my arms and I picked him up so that we were face to face. I looked in his eyes. I mean, really looked. I wasn't just seeing him. I was filled with a deep sense of recognition. The only way to explain it was that something inside of me remembered him. His eyes were my eyes. I knew who he was inside and out. 

I'll never forget the first time he walked. It really did feel like my heart was outside of my body, completely vulnerable. I was thrilled and terrified at the same time. 

I'll never forget the moment I knew I was pregnant with my second child. I woke up in the middle of the night and my whole body was tingling. I'd never felt that way before but, I knew what it meant.  

I'll never forget the phone call from the doctor saying something was wrong. I was alone. Pete was in Germany. My parent's came rushing over. I couldn't stand up. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. There was so much emotion and I couldn't express any of it.

I'll never forget my friend Tricia saying, "You don't know what's wrong yet. Don't worry until you know what you have to worry about." It turned out to be nothing. A false positive on the test. He was fine, better than fine. That boy was 9 pounds at birth and he giggled from the moment he was born like he'd been playing a joke on us all along. By then, the fear was forgotten. 

It wasn't until we got the phone call that our dear friends were in trouble that it all came rushing back. There was something wrong with their baby. Both baby and mother were in grave danger. Just after hearing the news, I sat down and wrote "Surface". I think it took less than an hour. I cried the entire time and, for a long time after, couldn't sing it without crying. I remembered the fear and knew that it had to be greater than anything I'd ever felt. 

We all prayed. There was nothing else we could do. And, I remember how I felt when the doctor's declared the survival of both mom and baby a miracle. The fetus had a torn diaphragm and should not have been able to process the amniotic fluid. The mother had been swelling dangerously and the baby's lungs were underdeveloped. He needed surgery just after birth. Then, another surgery when the diaphragm tore again. But, they survived and are alive and well today.  I think of them and believe in things I didn't believe in before. 

Surface was and is a mother's prayer. 

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Unity (blog)

My concern was that I might seem un-American. 

I don't usually watch news shows or let my children watch them. I prefer to read the news and research the topics that interest me. I find what passes for journalism these days difficult to stomach and take everything I hear as somewhat informed opinion, if that. Truth is in the eye of the beholder.

But, I used to watch the news every morning. It was my birthday when, carrying my infant son in my arms, I walked downstairs just in time to see live footage of the second plane flying into the towers. When I looked at him this morning it hit me that we've been at war nearly his entire life. 

The reporters were showing crowds of people screaming, "USA, USA!" and I looked at my son and said, "This isn't a football game. These are people's lives." He asked, "That guy was the head of the terrorists. They are the bad guys, right?" I answered, "That's the way we see it." He asked, "Are we the bad guys to them?" 

Yes. We are. 

I was concerned that I might seem un-American for not cheering at his death. But, I did not feel joy at the news of the assassination. It's hard to explain what I felt. At best, it was a sense of gratitude that at least some part of this was over. But, it's not really over. The hatred that fueled Osama Bin Laden still exists. It's in our country as much as in any other. It lives among us and among those that rail against us.  

I want my children to respect life because, no matter how far back you take it, it was the lack of respect for human life that started this war. But, in my heart, that means respect for all life. To turn the tide we have to consider not just the lives of the young and innocent but the lives of the hateful and even criminal. It's not a joy that someone should die in order to solve the problem that their beliefs cause for others. Have we been so long at war that we've forgotten that war is not to be glorified and violence not to be celebrated? 

Justice was served. But, we didn't score a point. We didn't win the game. We've lost so very, very much. From brave men and women who served to protect us to innocent people caught in the crossfire to those who were taught and convinced that we were their enemy and those who see our fear and hatred and respond in kind. We've lost them.

I know this may be hard for some to understand. I was afraid that no one would feel the same way I did. The headlines being repeated on the news were "Osama, rot in hell!" But, hell is a war we are left with. And, some blurb about finally getting revenge. Revenge? All revenge does is insure that we'll have more of the same.

Yet, I am grateful. I'm so very grateful for the people who continue to protect us and grateful for the friends who surrounded me this morning. Sometimes, my views are so contrary to others opinions that I think I'm alone. But, I'm not. 

So, thanks to Megan for sharing what comforted her:

‎"As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live." Ezekiel 33:11

 

Thanks, to Steve for sharing this: 

http://theresurgence.com/2011/05/02/love-your-enemies

 

Thanks, to Chris for his tweets calling for a more dignified public response from our people. 

Their sharing of their faith with me has taught me that Christianity is not always what some, who have used it to justify their fear and hatred, have made it out to be. My hope is that we can all move forward and consider that Islam is not what Osama Bin Laden made it out to be. 

 

 

 

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Blog O' Peace

There are so many things I wanted to blog about this week. It started with Donald Trump. It's not so much the birth certificate issue as much as it's how he unabashedly stands for pride and excess and that is, truly, nothing I look for in a leader. Tolerance, humility, calm and consideration... the ability to consider someone's opinion that differs from your own... These are qualities I hope to have and that take daily practice to achieve with any consistency. I'm disappointed in myself when I fail at them and disappointed when our leaders do too because, more often than not, we follow by example. It's our default. So, yeah, it would help to have leaders exemplify such qualities. It would also help if we didn't get such a kick out of people fighting and getting back at one another. Pride is a drug.

Then the tornadoes. One of the first tweets I got on the subject was for someone looking for a baby. Their baby? Someone else's baby? Someone lost in the storm. I don't know the whole story but, it broke my heart and, yes, I was disturbed that the loss of what is now being reported as 300 of our fellow Americans was getting less coverage than the royal wedding. It's not that I wanted to be wrapped up in the drama and destruction. I just wanted to know what was being done to help the people who were effected and what I could do to help. It's a long road to recovery and it's not just "another disaster". Our compassion switch should be turned on now. 

But, it was something completely trivial that made me start actively looking for peace again. Someone refusing to pick up their dog's poop at the dog park. I know! It sounds so petty. It IS so petty. It was being face to face with someone who knew they were being inconsiderate and didn't care.  

 

Excuse me, you're dog just pooped.

Re: Yeah, it's okay. 

Um, I know but you are supposed to pick it up. 

Re: Nah. I don't think so. 

It's on the sign. They even have bags for you to use. 

Re: No. 

 

I mean, okay, so no one is around and you figure, what is one little poop among all these other piles of dog droppings that people leave at odd times when they find themselves alone in the park. Hmmm... But, this was in a group of people who are here to "socialize" their pets. To help them learn to play nice with one another. Who have seen each other step in it and know how annoying it is and so, pick up after their dogs if only to keep themselves from embarrassment. Why come into a community to throw poop in the face of it? So, I just went over and picked it up. Someone else confronted them and whatever happened in that conversation compelled them to call park police. I didn't stick around for any more of the drama. My peace had already been disturbed and I wanted to go to my happy place. So, here is a happy place for you when big things or little things throw you off. It's the sound of waves crashing on the shore on the beach at Cinque Terre on the Italian Riviera. I recorded it on my iPhone when I was there last Summer. 

 

Have a beautiful weekend.

 

 

Cinqueterre by Laura Marie (USA)

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

It goes like this...

Up at 4am...can't sleep for about an hour. 

Fall back asleep. Wake again at 7. 

Get the equipment together. Make sure I have my t-shirts and merch organized. Print out merch sheets for  friends who have graciously volunteered to tend to the merch table. Grab dog food for Daphne so Pete can drop her off at the kennel so she doesn't eat the back porch while we're gone all day. Get the kids up, fed, dressed and packed with a change of clothes because they are going to Mom's and they'll need to change to attend a play. Forget to eat. Take a shower, get dressed, remember to eat, or rather, drink my breakfast - protein shake. Check and double check the car for guitars, guitar strings, pics, batteries, chords, etc. Pick up after the kids who have left their dishes all over the place. Post stuff on the internet for a few people I help promote. 

Chris arrives. Get in the car, drive to the bank and get change for the merch table. Drive to mom's to drop off the kids, get to St. Mary's, park the car and unload the gear. Get to the stage and answer phone calls. Forgot to leave a car seat. Forgot to tell Tim there was back line. Remembered I was glad that I remembered to tell Justin and Jake there was a back line. Jake arrives. There's back line? Crap. I thought I remembered. Confused. Call Pete. He takes care of the car seat situation. Forgot to eat again and there is nothing gluten free around here. Jake saves the day with a larabar. 

Get on stage. Breathe. Play music <3 <3 <3

(iPhone capture by Jennifer Coffey)

Get off stage. Be happy though sweaty, sticky and starving. Pack up and load the car. Drive to the first restaurant with gluten free options I can think of. Eat (a lot) with Margaret and Chris. Laugh and laugh. Pick up the kids, pick up the dog, come home. 

Breathe. Shower. Breathe again. 

Who says you can't have it all?

This day made possible by the following: Pete, Berto Torres, my Mom, Chris Taylor, Jake Owen, Tim Phillips, Onel Jimenez, Margaret Vasquez, Teri Irvin and Michelle Fuentes. Also, Matt the sound guy and his crew, the stage manager and stage hands and my alma mater St. Mary's University. Oh, and thank you, Larabar, for existing. 

 

P.S. All this to say I am incredibly grateful for the friends and family who make it possible for me to do things I love to do. You are appreciated. 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Time to breathe...

I've been very touched by some of the messages I've received regarding my health issues mentioned in the last blog post. So much has happened in such a short amount of time that I really must apologize for not getting to this post sooner. The first thing I want to say is that things are much, much better. The acoustic neuroma that showed up on my MRI disappeared on the second MRI. WHAT ?!??! Sounds crazy, right? I can't even begin to explain how amazing this news was. I didn't even realize how depressed I'd been until that weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

I'm not sure how this happened and, right now, I don't care. I'm just so incredibly grateful that that nightmare is over. My doc says my hearing loss could have been due to a virus that ran it's course and the acoustic neuroma could have been a mistake on the MRI. I also use alternative methods of healing and, since I've had some amazing experiences before, I'm not ruling out the effect this might have had on a small tumor. Or, even a big one for that matter. I'm a believer in what energy medicine can do. I know, not everyone gets it and a good portion of the medical community discounts it but, whatever. A good portion of the medical community also supported the prescription drugs that did me more harm than good so, whatever....we have to go with what works for our bodies. I also had the benefit of another kind of energy medicine: prayer and meditation. At this time I want to thank all of you who sent well wishes, said prayers and appealed to that great force of love on my behalf. To me, it all comes back to that. Love is what changes everything and, no doubt in my mind, love changed this. 

So, thank you so very, very much. <3

 

 

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

Mind over Matter (LM blog)

I think some people might wonder why I'm a bit of a health nut, why physical exercise and diet seems to be such a big deal to me, why I'm always looking for the new solution to a healthier me...it's times like these. 

Times like these when my body just quits. It's had enough. It doesn't want to move. Every joint and muscle hurts and walking, running, doing things seems like too much of an effort. If it were just that, I wouldn't be too concerned. I would just rest and wait it out. After all, I had a long week. Folk Alliance veterans will tell you it takes time to recover. But, I've been through this before and I know when my system decides to shut down, there's no reasoning with it. It gets to work on my mind  and starts telling me that it's not worth the trouble. If I persist, it insists, "What the hell are doing? You're not going anywhere." 

And right about then is when I get angry. 

Ask anyone who knows me. I have issues with the word "no". Tell me I can't do something and you've pushed the wrong button. So, it's the worst betrayal in the world to hear myself say, "I give up". But, I do. I give up fighting it. I give up crying over it. I give up. I'm telling my body right here and now, I trust you. I trust you to find your balance, heal and recover because I need you for something more important than a number on a scale or a certain dress size. 

This past year, after years and years of searching for reasons why, I found some answers. An autoimmune disorder. My body fighting itself. Exactly. What I've always done in spirit depicted in physical form....viola! There it is.  And I welcomed the diagnosis because this was something I could do something about. Eat the right things (bye-bye gluten), exercise, rest and take my meds. Yay! This I can do! Then, boom, another diagnosis. This time about something I can do absolutely nothing about. An acoustic neuroma. Just have to live with it. Accept "no" and that I can't do anything because there's nothing to do. Not now, anyway. And, be grateful that I'm really in the best case scenario as such things are concerned. Still, I wish it were gone.

Either way, it's still a matter of how I feel. And, right now, I'm a little unsettled. Over the last few months, I've witnessed people I admire in the music industry express their distaste for it, their animosity, their hopelessness in continuing the "fight" to make it. It unsettles me because I see these people as successful. They are doing what they want for a living and actually making a living doing it. I mean, they aren't financially dependent on anything but their music and, if that's a problem, I think I wouldn't mind having it. Which makes me think that there are probably plenty of people out there who wish they had my problems instead of their own. I get to make music. It doesn't feed me. It doesn't support my family. It just makes me happy and I hope it makes someone else happy too because it's times like this, when I'm tired and in physical pain, that I could see it as a fight too. And, fighting is something I can't do anymore. Besides, I have to believe that in some ways, because I get to do this, I've already made it. I've made it as far as the past me wanted to be and I'll take it as far as the future me really wants to go.

 

Cartoon pic of me gives the appearance of alertness. Yay!

 

 

 

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs

No sleep 'til Sunday

Um...and that's when we'll be driving. 

Despite that, I would not trade sleep for the experience of Folk Alliance. It's incredibly inspiring to be around so many creative people making music, building relationships, learning, soaking it all in...

I've had the pleasure of driving up here and sharing the stage with the wonderful Vanessa Lively and we are kidnapping Gina Chavez and taking her back to Austin with us! I'm the only one of us three that doesn't have a bit of Spanish in my set. It's never something I thought I'd be doing but they'll have me singing backing vocals in Spanish for one of Vanessa's showcases. Sweet. 

Ok, so, I think typing is making me sleepy again so, I'm going back to bed for a bit. Here are some pics from last night in the GoGirls room. We went from the wonderful GoGirls Showcase to the extraordinary "GoGirls presents: Live from Laura's Bed" with artists cozying up on my bed to share their final song. We even had some special visitors pop in. I didn't get pics of everyone because I got kind of spacey as the night wore on but here are some. 

See the full gallery on posterous

(Supergroup with Aly Tadros, Chloe Charles, Douglas Jay Boyd and Sam McLellan is pictured but not labeled. Hearing them together will blow your mind.)

Thanks to all the people who "tuned in" online. GoGirls will be broadcasting each showcase from the room from 2-4pm and 10:30pm-2:30am. You can check out the lineup here: http://www.gogirlsmusic.com/fa11/

The direct link to watch it live on UStream is here: http://www.ustream.tv/channel/gogirlsmusic . Showcases are archived so you can watch each artist from last night and even us being ridiculous at 3am. 

Next time I'll be on will be Saturday night. I'm opening up the showcase at 10:30 with a set and closing it at 2:30am with the final showcase of the conference. You never know who will stop by so, check in with us. 

 

Posted via email from Laura Marie Blogs